by: Ava Guerrero (PNX)

Be yourself.

It’s a cliché that I always hear from people who seemingly do not feel any sort of insecurities, who do not care of what other people might think of them, who aren’t afraid to voice out their opinions, who aren’t reluctant to ignite a fight when somebody dares to confront them. Be yourself. Be yourself. Be yourself.

This mantra has been long used to increase a person’s self-esteem, to give them a sense of superiority or to boost up their confidence. It can be heard in TV commercials, teen mags, and even posters endorsing a face-powder product. But sad to say, it doesn’t work for me. Seeing myself as a person who exudes great amounts of confidence shrinks into some kind of drama and I’m the lead star. It becomes unnatural.

The more I try to be confident the more I feel that I am just pretending to be someone I am not. The more I try to rid myself of inhibitions, the more the mask of pretension thickens and tightens. I strongly disagree that you should always be yourself, taking into consideration the meaning it implies. I disagree that should you only act upon your own will all the time, without considering the probable outcome of your actions, or mulling over on what others may think of you or feel about you. This is the reason why I have those inhibitions.

The reason why I do not easily give in to the bitter cravings of my flesh. The proper mantra for me should be, “Think before you act”. Is this morally correct? Will it hurt somebody’s feelings? Will it destroy my dignity and reputation? Will they get mad? Will it stir up trouble or bring about peace? Some people would side-step those questions easily. They would speak themselves out saying that they don’t care. As long as they’re being themselves at that moment in time, they think there’s nothing wrong. Before, I was sort of obliged to think and act that way.

My mind was fed with that kind of principle. But I sensed something was wrong, it was not a perfect idea at all. What if it is already wrong being myself? Humans commit mistakes and mistakes committed can never be justified by saying that humans are humans and to err is human. What room is there for change? Is it justifiable to say that I was being a truthful liar? Is it right to say that because I am a braggart, then people should accept that, instead of trying to be humble at times? Some people could openly say that they are stingy for example.

I even know a person who is applauded for being bad-mouthed. Why? They admire his being true to himself. They like the way he speaks himself out. They do not see that what he does is wrong cause it is over-shadowed by that mantra. As I have noticed, people like these don’t want to be called hypocrites. So what would they do? They’d keep on doing those things albeit the fact that those things are wrong just to be spared from being conceived as someone who pretends. Most people are engulfed in that kind of mentality. That if you do something against your own will, then you are being pretentious, you’re on the wrong track. You are called a hypocrite or ‘plastic’ as widely used by Filipinos. This is a great misconception, in my opinion.

What is wrong in controlling yourself when needed? Is it wrong to oppose your own will if you know for yourself that it is wrong? Should you not use your mind more often instead of letting go of your emotions that easily? Should you always need to spill out your feelings if you know it isn’t necessary and would just stir things up all the more? Should you not keep quiet in those moments when you like to scream yourself out? Like what I’ve stated earlier, when I try to show people that I am fearless, that I don’t care how the world sees me, all the more I become pretentious, cause in reality I don’t always say, what I really want to say.

Being myself all the time would only bar me from any proper and more acceptable attitude I should have elicited during a certain situation or scenario. I do not fancy spurting out words that will only hurt others feelings just to let out mine. If rambling about my own feelings would only cause others to feel badly about themselves rather than console them, I’d better keep them to myself. That facet of me is always misinterpreted. What should I expect? That’s better I guess than to unhesitantly prattle about how ugly a person is just because it is the truth.

I do not objectively create a norm for everyone to follow. It’s just my own norm, my own creed. It’s just my own opinion, my own analysis. It’s just that not because you replace harsh words with kind words then you’re being pretentious. The truth is, it brings about good relationships, instead of hostility towards one another. I think through that, a person’s real being is revealed.